List Price: 18.95
Available: August 2014
Ernest is a typical teenager in mid-eighties suburbia. He wets the bed, has to wear special ‘fat kid’ pants, he’s got zero friends, and is considering suicide. Okay, maybe Ernest isn’t exactly typical. Could Ernest’s crushing misery date back to the third grade when his parents secretly changed their ‘numerologically inauspicious’ last name without even bothering to mention it? Might it be because they restrict him to a neon-colored diet of Better Day Products™ shakes made from chemical infused plastics? Or, does Ernest’s persistent gloominess possibly stem from those weekly sessions with Dr. Scrapple, an unlicensed therapist who uses him as a guinea pig for his experimental, anti-bedwetting hypnosis techniques? Certainly, Ernest’s problems couldn’t have anything to do with the epoch-marauding Incense Pirates, hell-bent on burning him alive as a ‘human suffumigation’ in an epic time travel ritual. Or could they? Life takes a radical turn, however, when a mysteriously solemn, weirdly green-eyed girl dripping with amber jewelry shows up at school right before Christmas break, and Ernest’s lonely, pathetic existence is transformed forever. Loosely inspired by author, Kirk Kristlibas’s own youth in Rockland County, NY, JURATE’S CASTLE is a phantasmagoric –and often hilarious– journey through erupting ‘Kronocanoes,’ Cloak wave makeovers, a lost tribe of Lithuanian shape-shifters, crispy bacon – and ultimately, of self-discovery. If you don’t believe it, just ask the talking cat.
Kirk Kristlibas, the son of immigrant families, grew up in Rockland County, NY. His father was born in Lithuania and emigrated to the United States after his family was displaced in WWII. Kirk’s mother, a first generation American from Sicilian parents, taught him the secrets of making truly awesome Eggplant Parm. Barely graduating from Nanuet Senior H.S., Kirk was continually terrorized by the local townsfolk who were at a loss to understand the black lipstick, impossibly high Mohawk, fish net capes, and black motorcycle boots he insisted on wearing year-round. Kirk, along with three close friends, was also a first hand witness to the now infamous Hudson Valley UFO wave back in the eighties –coincidence? Kirk holds a BFA from the Minneapolis College of Art & Design, a BA in Multimedia from the Portland Art Institute, and is currently earning an MFA in production design at The George Washington University, where he has been the promotional coordinator for the Theater & Dance Department since 2008. Kirk resides in the heart of our nation’s capital, deep in a dark sort of subterranean shrine. He sits, at present, barley visible through thick, rolling clouds of velvety incense hard at work on your next favorite novel, City of Cults – a sequel to Jūratė’s Castle!
Some things about me that might help in writing a bio:
– Has seen a UFO
– As a child was regularly invited to entertain at cocktail parties with his risqué drawings of the Greek gods and heroes.
– Makes excellent eggplant parmigiana (but even better cepelinai!).
– Believes a discarnate being disguised as his uncle taught him to play 12-string guitar at the age of thirteen, and subsequently co-founded the progressive folk rock group, Dreams In Exile.
– Once opened his apartment to a renegade sect of Hare Krishna’s. They stayed on his floor for a week.
– Gets at least one compliment on his hair every single day.
– Has worn black boots year-round since he was thirteen.
– Loves the thrill of ‘blind buying’ incense, perfumes, and colognes on the internet.
– Began reading Carlos Castaneda and studying Kabbalah at the age of nine.
– In his youth, wanted to become a Catholic priest
– Hopes to retire in India